First published in the zine - The Dreamer Issue by Local Colour Zine
What if you want to leave?
Fade to black in fantasy.
Don’t want to be found.
Don’t want to be seen.
Simply cut off from reality.
You take a leap!
Into the recesses of your mind,
Not knowing whether you will land
Or if you will live.
Just a deep voice inside you,
Saying, “Don’t think, just leap”.
So driven by this urge
I dig my bare feet into the ground,
Raise my arms to the black sky,
Close my eyes so I can see,
Take one last breath,
With my heart weighing me down
Like a sinking ship,
And just as I do
I feel my spine tingle,
My legs go numb,
And I can hear my soul quiver.
It feels like I am nearing the end
So in a desperate attempt
I struggle and look up,
Hoping to see the moon one last time,
And I do.
In that pitch black,
I can see only the moon.
We lock eyes just for a moment,
A moment that feels like a lifetime,
And that is when it hits me,
It captures me,
And raises me;
Higher than higher can be,
And slowly I begin to float.
Slowly I begin to dance.
Slowly I begin to soar,
And slowly I feel it cleansing my soul.
I feel the weariness wash out of me
Like a wave of soothing tranquillity.
The sound of it’s crashing waves
Echo through infinity.
I can see the stars again!
Each one luminous with the spark of a memory
With infinite shades of passion and peace.
I rise from the shimmering stars
And find myself standing before my soul
In all its breathtaking splendour.
An infinite spectrum of colours
A wondrous beauty
I know at this moment
My mind will never be the same again.
I can’t possibly continue existence
Within reality the same way.
Not after conceiving this abstract concept
Of my soul.
And just then
The restrictive echo of reality returned
With the dull and numbing visage
And it’s cold concrete eyes
Steal colours from my mind.
A sudden blinding flash!
I am back in the fucking grind!
I started writing ‘Dream Diary’ when I was about 16. For as long as I can remember, I’ve suffered from insomnia, but whenever I did manage to get some sleep, I almost always had really vivid and lucid dreams. Some were fantastical, some were surreal, some were recurring, and some were downright morbid and terrifying, but they were always fascinating. So one day, I started jotting them down, for the fear I might forget them, even though some would be best forgotten. Last year, more than a decade later, I decided to compile them all in this series - of poems, proses and stories, drawn from the memories of these fascinating and mysterious dreams that have haunted me, inspired me, comforted me and always left me intrigued, obsessed and compelled to further explore the strange and bizarre world of dreams.
Illustration by Saloni Singh
Published by LocalColourZine